


Thanks for the Memories

by GreenInfinitea



Category: Tokyo Ghoul
Genre: Amnesia, Angst, Anterograde Amnesia, Memory Loss, Multi, Mutual Pining, Unrequited Love, Unresolved Sexual Tension, how do you do summaries
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-01-09
Updated: 2016-01-09
Packaged: 2018-05-12 18:24:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,097
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5676001
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GreenInfinitea/pseuds/GreenInfinitea
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Touka shows up late to stop Kaneki from eating Hide after the fight with Nishiki, resulting in lifetime side effects on the human that she will never forgive herself for.  Hide wakes up each morning not remembering anything after the incident, and continues to search for someone who will never be found again.  Touka will remember all their dying yesterdays, so Hide will bring life to their tomorrows.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Thanks for the Memories

**Author's Note:**

> This is basically an angsty Touhide fic loosely based off the idea of Anterograde Tomorrow. The events of the manga still occur, but the story happens around the timeline of :re, so there may be spoilers. Tags will be added as more characters show up. I'm not aiming for a very long story, only about three chapters.

Thanks for the Memories

 

Touka hates the sun.  It’s too bright, gives her nasty sunburns, and reminds her that she has to get through a whole new day.  Her routine is always the same in the beginning.

In the mornings she makes coffee for herself and turns on the news in the living room.  She does a quick check over all the notes on the fridge, table, walls, and doors.  Then she quietly turns the handle into the room of her home’s guest, making sure he’s asleep before closing it behind her and counting down the minutes until seven.

When his alarm goes off, she mentally shouts a motivational cheer for herself before leaving the apartment to open the café.  Touka only hopes that things will go well today, at least until she returns  from her shift.

 

\--

 

Hide awakens to the obnoxious ringing of an alarm clock, his heart racing and his breathing harsh.  It takes a while to calm down enough to locate the alarm clock on the dresser near the bed, clicking it off and being met with eerie silence.

His eyes scan the unfamiliar room, panic starting to rise in his chest when remnants of his nightmare flash in his mind.  Kaneki was…

“Kaneki!”  Hide gasps, his hands coming up to clutch at his chest in horror.  He was…

Hide stands from the bed shakily, making his way to the tall mirror leaning against the white wall.  He pulls back the collar of his t-shirt, biting his lip.  Then he stares.

The scars of bite marks and mangled flesh are etched into his skin.  How long was he asleep?  Is Kaneki…

Kaneki is a ghoul.  He ate him.  Hide squeezes his eyes shut and shakes his head vigorously.  No, Kaneki saved him.  He was injured, so he needed the food.  It only seemed right to save him as well.  Hide’s head seems to ache when he tries to remember more.  Nishiki was going to eat him.  Kaneki saved him and needed to eat.  That’s fine.

He’s still his best friend.

Nothing will change that.

Something didn’t feel right, however.  His scars seem like months, maybe years old.  He was in an unfamiliar room filled with post-it notes.  Post-it notes?

His eyes take in the post-it note on the dresser, standing on shaky legs to read the neat hand writing that Hide recognizes as Kaneki’s.

If you’re reading this, you’re awake, and probably very confused.  There’s a video for you to see on the laptop on the desk.  Actually, there are a few videos.  The folder is called ‘Hide’.  Check it out.

-Kaneki

Kaneki!  Hide lets a soft smile form on his lips.  His best friend is okay!  Although he knows that Kaneki is probably feeling guilty about hurting Hide, and tries not to show his hurt in the note.

Kaneki would probably be feeling angry at himself, but at least he wasn’t avoiding his friend.

After scanning through the rest of the post-it notes, Hide gathers the information that:

One.  He _has_ been asleep for quite a long time.  Two.  He’s in a safe place.  Three.  Kaneki’s out and will be back soon.

Although the third note was written in a rushed handwriting that Hide couldn’t recognize, he tries to put his trust into the messages and follows the instructions of the first note.

The blonde settles into the chair in front of a desk and opens the laptop, immediately finding the folder on the desktop.  He clicks it, and videos numbered from 1 to 7 appear.  Hide decides with rebellion that he wants to go to the seventh one right away, but knows that Kaneki did not intend for him to watch the videos randomly, otherwise the numbers would lose their purpose.

He clicks the first one.

When it opens, Kaneki shows up on the screen, sitting in the very room and chair that Hide is sitting in.  His head is bowed down, dark locks tangled.  When he looks up into the camera, his eyes are rimmed red from crying and the dark circles under his eyes are prominent.

“Hey, Hide.”  His voice croaks at first, but he clears his throat and tries again.

“I would write a book for you, with pictures and all, but I know you don’t like reading them that much so…”  He shifts uncomfortably.  “I decided to do this for you instead.  For days when you wake up and I’m not there to explain everything.”

I’m worried about you, Hide thinks.  You look horrible.

“You’re probably very confused right now.  And…you said you were worried about me.”  Kaneki laughs stiffly.  “You thought I looked horrible.”

How did he know…?

“You’ve been awake, this whole time.  It’s been a week, since you’ve woken up.”  His quiet voice continues.  “It’s my fault.  No matter what you keep telling me, it is my fault.”

No, it’s not.  Not everything.  Not this.

“You know that I’m a ghoul now, and that Nishiki senpai attacked you.  You think that I have somehow justified my mistakes just because I saved you from him but…”  His voice falters.  “I…  I hurt you, Hide.”

“I’m a monster.”

When Kaneki starts sniffling, something in Hide’s gut twists.  He wants to know where Kaneki is.  He wants to see and hear him in person, not through a computer screen.  He yearns to comfort him, to tell him that it’s okay.  He’s not a monster.

But suddenly, the camera shifts, and a girl with dark blue hair comes into view.  Hide remembers her from Anteiku, the cute waitress that he hit on.  What is she doing here?

“Since this idiot still can’t talk to your face properly, I’m forced to do this.”  She huffs.  “I saved you from this idiot before he ate everything.  And when I say everything, I mean everything.  He kept starving himself until he hurt someone he loved.  He still can’t eat human meat, it’s ridiculous.”

Hide chuckles.  Her personality definitely isn’t as cute as her appearance, but he can tell that she’s just using anger to hide other emotions.  She has affection, probably for Kaneki, and fear, maybe aimed towards him.

She’s afraid of him because he’s a human.

Oh, the irony, Hide thinks at first.  But upon pondering about it further, it makes sense.  Although humans are below the ghouls in terms of the food chain, the ones who are hunted down are ultimately, the ghouls.

“Touka, please, I’m trying not to confuse Hide.”  Kaneki whines, still wiping his tears away.

Touka ignores him.  “My name is Touka Kirishima.  Sometimes you call me Touka, but you need to stop.  It’s Kirishima.  You’re stuck living here at Anteiku for the time being.  Because you can’t remember things.”

Can’t…remember things?

Kaneki sighs.  “Hide, you have short-term memory loss called Anterograde Amnesia.  It’s from the brain surgery you had after fracturing your skull.  Thanks to…me…”

It’s Hide’s turn to sigh when Kaneki breaks down again.  He mutters, “It’s not your fault…”

“You’ve been waking up with the same memories every day for a week now, but never remembering the memories of the day before.  You’re always going to wake up with the same memories, and go to sleep with different ones that you won’t remember.”  Kaneki finishes.

“I’m in a contract with Kaneki and the manager.”  Touka grumbles.  “I’m going to kill you if you even breathe a word about Anteiku being run by ghouls.”

“Anyways, we’re downstairs at Anteiku if you’re looking for us.”  Kaneki interrupts with a shaky grin.  “Sorry if this is confusing, we would rather tell you in person.”

The video ends.

“Kaneki…”  Hide whispers softly.  He is okay.  He has a place that he belongs in.

 

\--

 

It is 7:30 when the blonde treks down the stairs to the café.  He feels underdressed in sweats and a t-shirt he can’t remember owning, compared to the crisp suits of customers and the polished uniforms of the employees.  There are only two employees in the morning, one serving coffee to business men reading newspapers, and one preparing food in the kitchen.

Hide clears his throat to get the attention of the tall employee in the kitchen, who responds with a wave and continues to finish their tasks.  He is about to confront the blue-haired waitress serving tables, when a certain detail about the bulletin board catches his attention.  Pinned on the back of the staff-only door is a schedule of shifts, and directly above it is a calendar with past dates crossed off.  The date startles him.

“I-It’s already winter?”  He gasps, knees suddenly growing weak.  Steadying himself by leaning against the wall, he asks the tall employee again, “Has it been that long since I’ve woken up?”

The employee, whose back had been turned to him, gives Hide a long look.

“N-Nishiki senpai?”  Hide stutters.  “W-Wow, I almost didn’t recognize you without your glasses!”

“Yeah.”  The taller male gives him a serious look that Hide thought he wasn’t capable of giving, before calling across the café for the manager.  The waitress immediately walks in their direction.

Hide’s eyes haven’t left Nishiki’s dark gaze.  “Where’s Kaneki?”

A heavy silence fills the air.  Then, the waitress perks up, “He’s away today!  He said he’ll be back tomorrow.”

He almost immediately detects the lie in the strangely familiar voice.  Their eyes lock on each other, daring each other, waiting.

But then she smiles, small and a little forced.  “How many videos did you watch?”

“Only three.  I stopped right after Hinami started informing me with Kaneki.”  Hide replies, distantly.  “I wanted to apologize for the first day we met.  I know I’ve probably introduced myself before, but I still want to be polite.”

“Oh.”  She murmurs softly.

“I’m Nagachika Hideyoshi, you can call me Hide.  It’s nice to meet you formally, Kirishima.”

He almost misses the way she winces when he calls her by her family name.  She reluctantly grasps his outstretched hand to shake it, while saying, “It’s my pleasure, Nagachika.”

Nishiki can’t help snorting at the formal exchange.  “Please.  I’m tired of seeing this every day.  Nagachika, call her Touka.  She said it feels weird when you don’t.”

Touka’s gentle impression disappears instantly, but a brilliant red blush spreads on her cheeks as she grunts at her co-worker.  “Don’t make him uncomfortable, shitty Nishiki!”

“From what I see, you’re the one that’s uncomfortable, awkward Touka.”

“Shut up, Nishitty!”

Hide, already confused and feeling a head ache forming, clears his throat and points towards the centre of the café.  “I think you have customers to serve.”

The waitress gives him another one of those long looks.  “Oh.  Thank-you.”

Hide feels as if he has to get used to those looks being directed at him.

 

\--

 

Kirishima makes him coffee, and before he can tell her he prefers his with three sugars and a ton of cream, she places a freshly made cappuccino with foamy latte art of a bunny artistically floating on top.

He gasps in surprise and flashes her a smile, exclaiming a quick “Thank-you!” before she retreats to the kitchen.  At the bar-style counter, Hide can still see her, and watches her interact with the workers in the back washing the dishes and baking more pastries.  Hide observes how she works as he drinks the delicious hot beverage, and notices that she is the manager of the café.

He catches her attention when he calls her by “Touka-chan!” and grins wider when she shoots him a glare from where she was serving a young couple.  She effortlessly shifts into a polite smile and bows towards the couple before sauntering up to him, gritting her teeth.

“I know you’re bored, but you really shouldn’t be making me annoyed this early in the morning.”  She sighs, placing her hands on her hips when he pouts and whines.

“But Toouuuka, I didn’t even know it was winter!  How did I just forget three months just like that?”  The blonde sighs dramatically.  “And did Anteiku get a renovation?  It looks similar, but a bit bigger than before.”

Touka glances away, brushing hair away from her face and letting her bangs hang across her face with ease.  Hide eyes the action with interest, deciding to file it into his observations of Kirishima Touka for later.  “Look, it’s a bit complicated, but the video is sort of out dated since he came up with the idea a week after you woke up, since you were forgetting things you did five minutes prior.  And it’s sort of been three ye—months.  Anteiku doesn’t exist anymore, this is called :re.  You should have watched all the videos until number seven, if you were smart.

“Ouch, Touka, you’re cold.  Why didn’t you tell me before?”  Hide pouts, crossing his arms and leaning back in his stool.

Which is a bad idea, because he forgets that bar stools usually do not have back support, therefore resulting in his weight tipping the chair over.

Just when he thinks he is going to fall, and possibly hit his head, making himself forget even more than he already did, he finds himself looking up at Touka’s surprised face, with an arm wrapped around his back and another under his legs in an awkward sort of bridal-style carry.  It’s the first time he’s ever seen both of her eyes lit up in something other than anger, her hair seeming to flow in slow motion as she grasps him in a tight hold.  Hide can feel himself freeze up in shock, and he knows his mouth is probably gaping in a really embarrassing expression, oh God.

The chair topples, and the spell is broken.

Her eyebrows draw tightly together in irritation, and she drops him on the floor next to the fallen chair.  “Clean this up by yourself if you’re bored.  Seriously, you’re stupid and clumsy, Nagashitta.”

“Ow!  Touka!”  He whines when his head hits the hardwood, sitting up to rub it gently as he watches her leave him on his own.

 

 

\--

 

 

It isn’t until the fourth video where Hide finally realizes why the videos seem to read his every thought and explain all his questions, specifically, how his memory loss works.

But nobody talks about what date it is, how long he was out, what happens from the moment he went unconscious to the moment he wakes up, and when he asks the staff and Touka, they avoid him claiming to have work to do.  It’s as if they tell enough for him to understand why he can’t remember people who seem to consider him like family (even Nishiki, that four-eyes), but they won’t let him remember what he missed out on.

Touka, especially, is different from the Touka he sees in the videos.

He tries teasing her about how her hair is different, she used to swear in every sentence, and how she obviously had a crush on Kaneki (who wouldn’t, though).  But even Touka backs down, keeping more secrets about him than he knows about himself.  He knows this, because although Touka can flawlessly act in front of customers, she always lets out a stutter or pause in order to stop herself from revealing too much, or saying something that might make him even more curious.

And nobody mentions Kaneki.

The fifth video is twenty minutes long. Hide expects answers, but instead, he gets his best friend.

His best friend, who he can’t see because the camera is focused on Hinami, and a man Hide has never seen before.  A man in a pink suit of mismatched bright colours (Hide is saddened to say that his style is no match for his), the facial features and body of a model, and deep purple hair.  Hinami and the man, introduced as Tsukiyama, are facing somewhere off the camera.

Hide discovers that the whole twenty minutes are just a video of Hinami and Tsukiyama watching Kaneki read one of his books on poetry, not one of his graphic horror stories (for once).  He doesn’t understand, but from the way his best friend carries his voice, he realizes, he’s hiding from Hide.

Again.  Like he did before Touka and his friends forced him to record the videos, like he did when Hide stood up for the bullies that hurt him, like he did, hundreds of times.

But Hide always finds him.  Right?

He listens for the whole twenty minutes, of Kaneki’s deeper, saddened voice, brought to life by the book in his hands, and when the video ends, he sees pale fingers with blackened nails pass over the lens of the camera before it shuts off completely.

The blonde can’t help but shudder and click on the sixth video with trembling hands.  He can’t stop now.  What if Kaneki is alright?  What if the wonderful people in the café are telling the truth, he’ll be back tomorrow, and he’ll be fine… No. Hide has to assume the worst. He has to know.

The video isn’t even two minutes long.  Hinami sits in front of the camera, and sighs.  Hide can’t help but think that Hinami has grown up.

“I’m leaving, Nii-san.”

His hands grip his knees unsteadily. 

She laughs, but it’s no longer filled with the joy he heard before.  “When I told you that, you said that Nee-san should know.  But I think I will hurt more if I say good-bye to her in person.”

But why?

“Why?  Because I need to be stronger, like Kaneki onii-san.”  She grins, but tears streak her face.  “It’s a bit sad to think that you won’t remember how angry you were when I told you.  But it’s nice to see you one last time, even if you thought it was your first time meeting me.”

It’s sad, Hide thinks.

Because here is a beautiful girl he met dozens of times, who told him her dreams while he tells her his, listened to his ipod of musical greatness, and now he knows that she left long ago, but there is no hole that she left in his heart because he doesn’t remember.

“And, tell Touka nee-san how you feel, one of these days.  It’s getting ridiculous, nii-san.”

The hope in him shatters.  He doesn’t remember.  And he will never remember.

And here he is, thinking selfishly about protecting Kaneki, when he can’t even remember what he has to protect him from.

He lingers on the files before clicking the final seventh video.

He chokes on his tongue when he sees who is going to talk next.  It’s not Touka, or Hinami, or Kaneki, or even Nishiki.

It’s himself.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Kudos and comments are appreciated! I have a bit of an idea of where this is going, but it'd be nice to have some feedback and ideas to consider. Especially since Touhide is sort of a rare pair, I don't know what to expect from readers aha


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